Thursday, October 31, 2013

Week 3

Piranha 3DD

Junk. This movie is just junk...more junkier than the 1st movie...and I didn't like the 1st one. The first one was stupid. It was apparently SUPPOSED to be stupid, and self aware, but I have watched enough bad movies to not care if it was self aware or not.

But this takes it up a being worse than the original.

The movie takes place at some sort of waterpark/"Girls Gone Wild" thingamajig. I wonder if this is where the main conflict is going to be. We've got some characters that I just don't care about. They're just flat characters who I don't care if they die or not.

Anyway, after several minutes of "comedy" and David Hassellhoff...because it wouldn't be a self aware movie without The Hoff. He was only there to be a parody of himself. My aunt from New York saw a couple of minutes of this train wreck and asked,

"Is this a parody of Baywatch?" Me: "I hope this is a parody of Batwatch."

So, the piranhas come back because the main character's uncle connected outside water to the water park water...despite her warning him not to. Being an asshole in the movie, he does it anyway, giving the piranhas a chance to eat the people at the newly opened water park.

Wow. The first day of a water park and people are dying. Coney Island didn't have this problem in the first month!

Anyway, it's what you expect, camera close-ups to mortally wounded people, piranhas jumping at the screen making it look like it's 3D but, without the glasses it looks tacky, and Ving Rhames with guns for legs...

I'm sorry. I should repeat that last one. Ving Rhames has guns for legs. And shoots piranhas in the water. I'm still not sure it's either stupid or incredibly stupid....I'm going for incredibly stupid.

So...this movie is horrible. I don't care who thinks I'm being cruel. People like the first one, I didn't...don't judge. This movie is even worse. It's only junk.

Twice the junk. Twice the stupidity. Twice as likely to not get a least, let's hope to God there is no sequel.

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